


A Spotless Mind

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 09:23:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16870360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: Taken directly from the prompt film because I am rubbish at summaries…‘When their relationship turns sour, a couple undergoes a procedure to have each other erased from their memories. But it is only through the process of loss that they discover what they had to begin with.’





	A Spotless Mind

He sat there on the motel bed, staring at a spot on the floor, once again justifying his decision to himself. Dean had said he was crazy, that this was a terrible idea but, damn it, you had done it first. Swiftly taking the small white pill in his hand he swallowed hard and lay back on the bed. When he woke up all trace of you would be gone. The pain, the heartache, all of it would be gone and he could get on with his life, concentrate on what was important. 

He thought about the last time he had been sitting in this office, wringing his hands as the doctor’s words washed over him. ‘…wanted to move on. We provide that possibility. Our technicians will come to you to perform the procedure …” This time he sat clutching a bag filled with everything he had that reminded him of you, photos, shirts you had borrowed, little notes you had left him in his bag when he went on a hunt. He had emptied his life of every piece of you. Reluctantly handing it over to the technician, who unceremoniously dumped it on the floor, Sam wondered if he was doing the right thing. Then he remembered the card that Dean had received telling him what you had done and his resolve stiffened.

“My name is Sam Winchester and I am here to erase [y/n] [y/l/n].” 

After hours of focusing on the memories you had made together, shattering his heart into even smaller pieces than he thought possible, he was emotionally drained. Walking back to the motel he ran through all the instructions the doctor had given. He opened the door and…

Another motel room, similar to the one he was lay in now, the silence was suffocating. You had got to the point where everything had already been said a thousand times before. He was sitting on the end of the bed, his eyes studying the carpet, steadfastly refusing to even look in your direction. You were stood by the open door, your bag slung over your shoulder.

“You never really loved me anyway.” Your voice was soft, void of any true emotion as you turned and left. That was the last time he saw you. 

The sudden urge to run after you, tell you it wasn’t true, that he loved you more than you could ever possibly know pulled at his heart and as he stood he felt the room swim and fade around him as he made his way to the door.

Sam walked through the door and found himself in the library in the bunker. His brow furrowed as he watched you and he argue. The other Sam ducked as the bottle smashed against the wall inches from his head. He whirled around to glare at you across the library.

“For fucks sake!”

“No, you don’t get to play the victim this time Sam!” Your voice was dripping with venom as you picked up a book and hurled it across the room. “You don’t get to make out this is all my fault. You pull this shit all the fucking time and then look at me like I’m some sort of child.” 

“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!” he roared causing you to freeze. The anger, the pure fury in his eyes was something neither of you had experienced. Standing there now watching him yelling at you, he didn’t even recognise himself. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry baby, please.” He whispered to you as you slowly vanished leaving him alone in the darkening library as the memory faded.

Classic rock sounded out softly as he looked over at his brother, then to the back seat where you were sitting with a playful pout. “Constantly talking isn’t necessarily communicating.” Dean chuckled. 

“But if you don’t communicate then, of course, things won’t work. Back me up here Sam.” You look at your boyfriend expectantly. Why was he going to relive this one? Maybe so he could change things, make it up to you. He wasn’t sure how, this scene, although familiar, wasn’t ringing any bells. “Why this memory?” the hint of confusion in his voice had you rolling your eyes. 

“Are you serious Sammy? This was the moment, right here.” Dean said, eyes still on the road. “This was the first time you didn’t back her up baby brother.” Sam turned to look at you as you slumped in the corner of the back seat looking out of the window. Why had he not backed you up? It was just a silly bit of banter between you and Dean but…Dean used to tease Sam about always taking your side. It had led to a few arguments between the brothers on occasion but this time, this time he hadn’t said anything. He ran a hand down over his face realising this had been the beginning of the end for the two of you.

He felt the weight on your head on his shoulder and he smiled as he planted a soft kiss on the top of your head, taking in the scent of your shampoo. The light from the tv the only illumination in the room as his eyes trailed over you. Film nights had kinda become your thing. Occasionally Dean or Cas would join you but it was mostly just the two of you, limbs tangled together on the sofa, feeding each other popcorn. There were nights like this one where Sam couldn’t have said what the film was about because he was too entranced with watching you. What would start as sneaky glances would devolve into full out staring, causing the corners of your mouth to twitch up as you felt his eyes on you. Your hand reached out, grasping the remote and pausing the film. Turning to face him you climbed into his lap, running your fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of your fingernails against his scalp, waiting for your lips to meet his.

His eyes fluttered open and he smiled as he saw you sleeping beside him, your hair tangled from sleep and your mouth slightly open, drooling a little. He remembered this moment so well and tears began to form as he realised this was the last time he would ever replay this memory. This moment right here was the morning after the first time you had spent the night together. He had woken up with a dead arm from you laying on it all night but he hadn’t minded, it made you being there even more real. Your body pressed to his, chest gently rising and falling with each steady breath, you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he felt like he could just stay right here with you in his arms forever. You opened one eye and looked up at him sleepily. “Hey, gorgeous.” Your voice was thick with sleep. “What ya thinkin?” He sighed contentedly, pulling you closer and placing a kiss on your forehead.

‘I’m just…so happy. I’m exactly where I want to be.’ He smiled and looked down at you, but you were gone, the memory already erasing. He sat up, pulling the covers over his head as if searching for you. A panic rose in his chest as he yelled out, hoping someone would hear him. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to call it off. Can you hear me? Stop this!”

 

The sheet came down into his lap and he realised he was sat at a table, looking across he saw you sat there smiling nervously at him in the candlelight. “I’d almost forgotten how beautiful you looked that night.”

“Well I had taken all afternoon to get ready, I mean, what does one wear for a first date with Sam Winchester?” you teased, your head tilted and one eyebrow raised.

“You could have worn anything, I didn’t care, I was just so elated that you had turned up.”

“This was the part when the waitress dropped her tray all over the table behind us. You remember?” You giggle. “It made me jump and you…”

“…I reached out and took your hand.” His actions mirrored his words and he smiled sadly.

“I’m almost gone, Sam.” Your voice no louder than a whisper, a deep sorrow in your eyes. 

“You know you’re the reason we’re here in the first place. You erased me first.”

“Sammy, you know me.” You shrug your shoulders. “I’m impulsive. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“I… I don’t want to lose you.” A silence settled between you as you looked into each other’s eyes. You brushed an errant lock of hair from his face and he shivered as your fingers brushed his cheek.

“So let’s run away together. Take me somewhere nobody can find us.” He smiled lovingly at your words. It was something you used to say to him all the time, when the hunting life got too much, when Dean was taking his moods out on everyone else. The idea of running away with you had never been more tempting and then it hit him.

“Yeah, let's run away. Come with me.” Taking your hand, he stood up and led you out of the restaurant. Maybe it wasn’t too late, perhaps he could still keep you. Turning to ask you where you might like to hide his eyes widened as he realised he was once again alone. Spinning around, searching for any clue as to where you might be his eyes rested on a familiar door and he pushed it open. 

Standing once again in the doctor’s office the professional's words came out like a stuck record. “We provide that possibility… that possibility…that possibility. Our technicians will come…will come… will come…”

“Hey.” Yelled Sam grabbing the doctor by the shoulders and shaking him. “I want to stop this. I want my memories back!”

“I’m sorry Mr Winchester, I thought you understood what was going on.” The doctor's face was featureless except for his mouth as the memory of him began to disappear.

“You’re erasing her. Please, please don’t take her away from me now.” Sam pleaded.

“I’m a figment of your imagination Mr Winchester, there’s nothing I can do. The process is almost complete.” His words faded out as he slowly vanished. Sam dropped down into the now vacant chair, his face in his hands. What had he done?

He felt a hand rest gently on his shoulder and he looked up with such agonising sadness in his eyes as he realised where he was. “You okay sir?” your lilting voice and the concern in your eyes made his heart flutter. There you stood in your waitress uniform, a jug of coffee in your hand.

“You didn’t even wait for an answer, you just sat down opposite me as if this wasn’t the first time we met.” He smiled as you sat down.

“This is it Sam.” You lean forward earnestly. “I’m almost gone.” He stared at you so intently, taking in every single detail, trying to cling on so tight. “Remember me, Sammy. Try your best.” You raised up, walked around the table, bent down and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek and then you were gone. The lights in the diner went out one by one leaving him sitting in the dark with silent tears running down his face.

The sunlight crept in through the gap in the cheap motel curtains rousing him from his deep sleep. Sitting up he ran his fingers through his hair and frowned, kicking off his covers. Damn, he was thirsty, his mouth felt like he’d drank an entire liquor store last night and judging by the pounding in his head that might have been exactly what had happened. Crawling out of bed he threw on some clothes, maybe some breakfast would clear his head.

As soon as he entered the diner a figure caught his attention. Sitting alone in a booth reading a book, a mug of something warm steaming in front of them was possibly the most beautiful being he had ever seen. You looked up and your eyes met briefly before you looked back down at your book, a soft smile playing on your lips. Sam sat at another booth and ordered a coffee, occasionally sneaking glances back at you. Just as he had gotten up the courage to go over to you he looked up to see your booth empty. A pang of disappointment shot through his chest and he ran his fingers through his hair. “Do you like pancakes?” you asked as you sat down opposite him with a smile that made his heart sing.


End file.
